You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
