Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
