thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
