Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
