Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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