We got so high we made milksteak
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
