ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
