Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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