He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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