I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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