I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
