I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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