You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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