So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
