he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize