Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
