I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
