Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dicks are not precious.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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