I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
