it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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