just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
