You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
