And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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