When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
