3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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