How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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