Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
