found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
