I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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