dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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