At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
