sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize