oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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