I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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