i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
