I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
