I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
