In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
