Christians are straight up FREAKS
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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