So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
