theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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