with your own penis?
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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