Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
