Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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