How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
