I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
