for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
