oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
