So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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