How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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