i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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