bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
