just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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