I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
