hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
