Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
