I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I smell stomach acid.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
