The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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