Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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