All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
