You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
