did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
